People around us are not always the most reliable source of support and insight. They might not understand our needs for change, they might know how to support us, or they might not even want to support change. At times, in attempts to appease their own discomfort they enable our (and likely their own) harmful behaviors & ways of being.
Implementing any new behaviors and experience is already challenging, but when those around you interfere in your progress because they are benefiting from your complacency, it can be much more difficult to be consistent and patient with yourself in the process.
Ways in which others show resistance.
People around you might resist the change by trying to discourage you, giving you ultimatums, being unsupportive, minimizing your desire for change and your efforts, convincing you how unnecessary change is, making fun of you, calling you selfish, trying to guilt you, making rude/insensitive comments, continuing to remark that the ‘old you’ was somehow better.
All of those things can add a layer of barrier to change, create self-doubt and shame, and then drive you to choose the same, familiar, and the known - even if it’s hurting you. But, if you find yourself waiting for other people’s permission to change your life and put yourself first, just know that you might wait forever.
You have to take care of you.
Remember that you are living your life and your life only. No matter how much we may want others to get onboard and be an endless source of support, our healing and change is always in our own hands. And while it is wonderful to have encouragement and accountability from others (and makes one’s life easier) it is not their responsibility to do anything for us. It is our responsibility to turn our desires into actions. It is our responsibility to create the desired change. It is in our power to give ourselves permission to pursue the life we long for. Others have power over us only when we let them, when we believe their words, and when we keep participating in dynamics that are hurtful to us.
What to do?
You might have to have a difficult conversation (if possible) and be curious about their resistance. You might have to distance yourself, create firmer boundaries, be assertive, seek unbiased support (therapist or a coach), or create a sustainable plan that won’t rely on their support. Be open minded without giving yourself up and losing sight of your desire to heal and grow. Be honest with yourself and always choose what is best for your wellbeing.
For a while now, I felt called to work with individuals who are not necessarily struggling with mental health concerns or need healing, but instead are ready for their next growth opportunity. With honoring this passion of mine, I am excited to now offer online coaching in addition to psychotherapy!
How does coaching help?
When we are so deeply fused with our thoughts and feelings (as most of us are), we cannot objectively see outside of ourselves. We believe the things that our mind creates, and oftentimes, this keeps us in the cycle of fear, self-loathing, anxiety, criticism, doubt, or overthinking. This is why coaching can be valuable - it helps us see and understand something that we can’t see ourselves because we are in it.
Psychotherapy and coaching serve different needs at different points in one’s life.
Therapy helps when someone is deep in their struggles and unable to find a way to untangle themselves from pain, regret, and suffering. If you feel like you live on autopilot, constantly repeating old behaviors and thought patterns that keep you stuck and deeply sad, or if you keep turning towards the past and need a place to process and make sense of how it is affecting you in the present moment, therapy can help. In my own therapy, I gained insight and awareness of the beliefs that were (subconsciously) guiding my actions, how and when I learned to believe them, and how they were hindering me from living the life I wanted for myself.
Once you go through your own healing and growth, you may come to the point where you feel as if you could do, be, and have more. This may involve the process of discovering your true self and aligning your actions with your new beliefs and values. As you start striving forward, you will realize that, while you can’t change anything that happened in the past, you can create the life that is ahead of you. It is as if you start remembering that you are no longer a helpless child waiting to be saved and that it is up to you to take responsibility for your life. Coaching and personal development helped me understand my fears that kept coming up (and still do :)) any time I was moving closer to my goals and how they were trying to keep me in the same, old, comfortable place I so desperately wanted to leave behind.
While I believe that continuous investment in my own personal and professional growth never truly ends, I’m excited and honored to be at the point where I have the tools to help others overcome their own limiting patterns and become the person they were meant to be.
Who I work with?
In my psychotherapy practice, I specialize in developmental trauma. I work with individuals who struggle to move on from the past and long to heal difficult childhood experiences and emotional neglect. This often shows up as “recreating” the same unwanted circumstances, self-sabotaging behaviors and thoughts, and emotional turmoil. Psychotherapy is often long term and a non-linear process of creating safety and understanding how behaviors that were once helpful, now create constriction and limitation in the present.
In my coaching practice, I work with those who are eager to move onto that next step of inner transformation and change. I’m passionate about helping new - and first generation professionals overcome impostor syndrome and master their mindset so they can accomplish their goals and feel confident and deserving of an abundant, fulfilled life. Also, I love helping those wanting to create healthy habits and lifestyle changes that will support their wellbeing long term. These two areas combine my main passions, striving for professional and personal fulfillment. My mission in my own life is to keep becoming the best version of myself and keep creating the life I desire instead of recreating the one that I was born into. And that is what I want to help others achieve for themselves, whether it’s through psychotherapy or coaching.
If you need support with getting started and reaching your goals, I would love to hear from you! Check out my Coaching page and reach out for a free consultation. Let’s get started!