 First, you have to recognize that worrying is not productive or helpful. No amount of worrying can solve a problem. Worrying is a state of mind that produces anxiety and (plot twist) leads to move anxiety, not solutions.
My husband sometimes asks me: “Aren’t YOU worried?” And I’m like: ”Ummm no? But I could be if you think that’ll help!” That usually gets me an eye roll. But seriously. Any problem is either something you have control over or you don’t. That leads me to my second, and last, point. Distinguish if you have control over the problem or not. If you do, the question is: Are you willing to do something about it? And "What are you willing to do about it?" If you don’t have control over it, any combination of surrender, hope, and pray will do. Want more tips like this? Read this post about stuckness!  Any labels you use to define yourself can become constrictions in the future.
The problem with defining ourselves by something impermanent, like current circumstances, is that once we are no longer in those circumstances, the label stays, even though it no longer fits. We most notice the constriction of our past self-definitions when we feel called to grow into the next version of ourselves. Some examples of these labels and identities are: being poor, drinking, smoking, being an underachiever, procrastinator, perfectionist, a victim, misfit, and so on. Here are some things to reflect on:
 When you harbor negative feelings and thoughts towards someone else, you’re not punishing them, you’re punishing yourself.
You are the one being affected by those thoughts and feelings because they live in you. You’re not teaching anyone a lesson by being attached to the pain they’ve caused you. The pain is in you, not in them. Letting go of the negativity, hatred, pain, and resentment is the most loving thing for YOU. Letting go connects you to inner peace even if you are not ready to forgive.  You’re not struggling to “be yourself.” You’re struggling because you believe you need to be someone else.
Being ourselves becomes difficult when we:
The being part is easy. What’s difficult are the internal pressures and painful stories we tell ourselves. Next time you think you don’t know how to be yourself, notice:
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January 2023
AuthorSladja Redner |
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