​We often follow rules for life that don’t belong to us. They have been passed onto us at an early age, but these are not our rules.
 
We didn’t create them from our desires, curiosities and wants. We simply had to adapt to and follow them in order to fit in and survive.
 
When we live by someone else’s rules, we keep ourself in situations that drain us, we pressure ourselves to work for something that’s doesn’t give us fulfillment, and we force ourselves to want something that doesn’t make us happy.
 
We have the responsibility to examine the parts of our lives in which we blindly follow rules that don’t support our self-determination and freedom.
 
Now we get to decide what rules no longer apply to who we are today. We get to create our own blueprint based on our real curiosities and desires.
 
Here are some questions that will help you identify old rules you might be living by. These are  great for reflection and journaling: 

• What am I doing because I think I should, not because I want?
• What am I forcing myself to like/want, but I genuinely don’t like/want?
• In what aspect of my life do I feel most limited? 
• If I believed I could, what’s one thing I would stop doing today?
• If I believed I could, what’s one thing I would stop doing today?

 
If you feel stuck in a never ending loop of self-analysis and trying to move forward, it’s a good time to bring in a fresh perspective.
 
Therapy is a great place to be challenged to face what’s not working and to be encouraged to discover what does. 

​There are so many situation in which we had no choice as children. We simply lived by the rules we learned and adopted them as truths. As children, we didn’t have a choice but to be around people who kept hurting us, but as adult we do. Staying in situations and with people who are hurtful is an old rule we no longer need to live by.
There is no point at which someone tells that those rules no longer apply and we get to choose which ones we want to keep and which ones we want to let go. We often takes old principles to adulthood not fully realizing that we no longer have to stay in situations or around people that keep hurting us. 

​You may never grow and change in someone else’s mind. People may not want to give up the opinion they have of you. In their mind, you may always remain a one-dimensional character.
 
Once someone thinks they know you, they may never change their mind. Everything you say or do may be filtered through a well established opinion they have of you. It’s not your job to change their mind. You don’t need to prove anything to anybody.
 
What matters is whether you let yourself be who you want to be. What matters is that you don’t reduce yourself to one trait, one mistake, one opinion, or one interest. You can be so many different things at the same time.

If you found this helpful, you may enjoy What Will People Think? blog post.