If you’re not empowered and excited by the fact that you have the freedom to change the course of your life, it’s because you’re scared.
 
Believing we are powerless can be easier than believing we are powerful.
 
Believing we are powerless places the potential to change onto circumstances outside of ourselves.
 
It requires others to behave in ways we want them to behave, to make us happy, to meet our needs…
 
Believing we are powerful brings the responsibility back to us and puts us fully in charge of our life, decisions, happiness, and actions.
 
It requires us to:
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• cultivate self-awareness
• detach from limiting stories
• wake up from childhood conditioning
• unlearn harmful beliefs about ourselves
• start prioritizing long-term gains instead of short-term pleasures
• set boundaries 

 
First, you have to be honest with yourself and meet your fears.
 

• What are you afraid of?
• Why?
• What would be possible if you stopped believing that?

When you bring your fears to the forefront of your consciousness, they don't have the power to drive you without your permission. Once you know you're making decisions out of fear, you have a choice to change something about that. 

When you realize that you indeed have a lot more choice in your life that you allowed yourself to have, your instinct might be to use that to beat yourself up, judge, and criticize yourself. This is completely useless. It will create more powerlessness and you will spend more time and energy on feeling bad. 

The point of awareness is never to use it against yourself, but to use it FOR yourself. Find a way to use the new gained knowledge to support your intentions and goals. 

If your mind doesn’t have something specific to focus on (i.e. creativity, finding solutions, accomplishing a goal, etc.) it will focus on the familiar and comfortable. That’s what minds do. Familiar and comfortable often includes behaviors, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and perceptions that directly go against what we most want for ourselves. Familiar and comfortable is most often not who we truly are and what we truly want, but it's what we learned at some point and then kept repeating, so it is easy and well known to us- it requires no effort. 
 
Important question to consider are:
 

• Does the familiar and comfortable serve your greatest good?

 

• Do your thoughts and behaviors support the life you truly want for yourself?

 
If the answers are “no,” then you can start by telling your mind what to focus on and how to be your servant, not your master.
 
Start by setting a daily intention for yourself.
 
I.e. “I want to make choices that support my health,” or “I want to be peaceful and calm.” Be clear and specific.
 
Create check ins with yourself throughout the day and notice when you’re being in ways that go against what you want for yourself.
 
Be gentle and nonjudgmental. Remember your intention. Think of all the ways in which your life would be different if you lived from that intention.
 
One moment at a time, you’re teaching your mind to work for you, not against you.

Making decisions is one of the most important things that attributes to us feeling as a creator of our life. Even though a lot of us are not aware of it (mainly because we do it subconsciously and on autopilot) we make many decisions throughout the day. Many of these decisions do not feel empowering. The reason for that is that they don’t help us get to where we want to be, they don’t help us create experiences that feel joyful, and they don’t bring us close to our goals and desires. More often, the opposite is true – they make us feel us stuck, powerless, and lead us to recreating more of what we don’t want.
 
One decision is all it takes to get out of the rut, start creating momentum, and change the dynamics of what is currently not working. Anyone can start making better decisions. Ones that will make us the creator of our circumstances rather than a victim of them and ones that will bring us closer to our goals and towards embodying the person we want to be.
 
Traps to Watch Out For:
 
1. Swimming in Futile Questions

Notice whether you’re asking yourself questions that can’t possibly be answered in the present. For example:
-Will it be worth it?
-What should I do?
-What’s the right decision?
-Will it turn out the way I want?
These kinds of questions at first may seem like they are productive, but they are not. They will keep you spinning in circles, they lead to nowhere, and will take up a substantial amount of energy and time. Swimming in useless questions will create thoughts and feelings of overwhelm, worry, fear, and powerlessness, and will not give you any answers because they are not designed to bring you answers.
 
2. Being Attached to the Outcome

When making decisions, we are wanting a specific outcome. But when we are overly attached to the outcome, there is a tendency to overanalyze all the options and become paralyzed in non-decision. Many times it is not because we simply want a specific outcome but because we feel like we NEED it. Needing something (attachment to the outcome) happens when we identify our worth as a person with an external accomplishment - we make the result mean something about who we are as people. We turn our result into supporting evidence for a general statement about ourselves. For example, “I need this to happen, because if it doesn’t, it will mean I am not capable,” versus “I would love for this to happen, but regardless of the result, it has nothing to do with who I am as a person.”
 
Better Questions to Ask Yourself:
-Does this decision support my best self?
-If I could be happy regardless of my decision, what would I choose?
 
 
3. Focusing on Certainty Instead of Probability

No matter how logical and sensible you are in your decision making, no one can guarantee you a certain outcome. And while there is no certainty of an outcome, there is a high probability of what might happen. For example, if you decide to invest in yourself by going back to school because you want a better job, no one can guarantee you will actually get a better job, but there is a high probability that you will have more opportunities then if you don’t take any action.
 
Better Question to Ask Yourself:
-If I chose this, what might be the best case scenario in a year, two, three?
-What’s the best case scenario if I don’t make a decision?
-What decision might I regret not making?


4. Labeling an Undesirable Outcome as a Mistake

Any outcome is simply information. If things don’t turn out the way you hoped or you keep getting stuck over and over on the same thing, this is an invitation to evaluate what needs to be changed. Oftentimes, what we label as a mistake, leads us towards something else, many times, towards something better.
 
Better Questions to Ask Yourself:
-What would I choose if I’m not scared of making a mistake?
-What would a person who love themselves do?
 
5. Urgency to Decide
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This happens when we are scared to fail, so we make decisions wanting not to fail versus to succeed, which leads to attempts to minimize the risk and make a “safe” decision. By asking yourself what is the intention behind your decision, you can notice whether it is coming from a place of fear versus authenticity. Mind you, there is nothing wrong in making the “safe” decision, because as long as you are consciously choosing it, it is an authentic decision.
 
Better Question to Ask Yourself:
-Will this decision help me become more of myself?
-If I was the person I long to be (courageous, authentic, compassionate, ambitious, peaceful, etc.) what would I do?
-Is this decision coming from a place of fear or authenticity?
 
Keep in mind that these questions don’t need to be utilized only when faced with big, lifechanging decisions. They are perfect for tackling daily decisions. The more you practice asking yourself why are you doing what you’re doing, the more you are practicing conscious, authentic living that’s based in the present. Notice if you get into any of these traps and challenge yourself to come up with your own “better” questions.

Words are extremely powerful. Words we use to define ourselves, others, our actions, relationships, and circumstances reveal a great deal about our internal world and how we approach life.
 
Even when we believe our words are expressing facts/reality, they mirror our beliefs and our perception of reality.
 
A great example of this is saying: “I have to … (insert your complaint of choice: work, workout, do my homework, pay my bills, go to therapy, eat healthy…”
 
Is it really true that you HAVE to? Or do you CHOOSE to (or want to), because there is some kind of a benefit or consequence behind your choice.
 
You may think that whether we say “have to” or “choose to” is irrelevant. But it’s not.
 
The first one implies no choice and the latter implies free will. It is true that sometimes you have really undesirable choices, but they are still choices.
 
Try it for yourself. Notice how you feel when you tell yourself, “I have to do x, y, z.” Notice the heaviness, the dread, and powerlessness inherent in these words.
 
By replacing “I have to” with “I choose to” you place yourself in the driver seat. Being in the driver’s seat is the only place from which you have the power to affect the course of your life. And that’s freedom lies.