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If you say things like:
It’s going to be hard It’ll take a long time I don’t know how I shouldn’t… It’s going to be overwhelming, uncomfortable, scary, etc. It always ends the same way I already know that It’s just who I am It’s always the same thing I just can’t seem to… If you say these things to yourself, you already decided. You’re not allowing yourself to be in the unknown, so you’ve decided that you already know how it will go and what you’re capable of. But your decisions are made based on past experiences and they are likely not intentional decisions.
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 If you’re not empowered and excited by the fact that you have the freedom to change the course of your life, it’s because you’re scared.
Believing we are powerless can be easier than believing we are powerful. Believing we are powerless places the potential to change onto circumstances outside of ourselves. It requires others to behave in ways we want them to behave, to make us happy, to meet our needs… Believing we are powerful brings the responsibility back to us and puts us fully in charge of our life, decisions, happiness, and actions. It requires us to:
First, you have to be honest with yourself and meet your fears.
When you bring your fears to the forefront of your consciousness, they don't have the power to drive you without your permission. Once you know you're making decisions out of fear, you have a choice to change something about that. When you realize that you indeed have a lot more choice in your life that you allowed yourself to have, your instinct might be to use that to beat yourself up, judge, and criticize yourself. This is completely useless. It will create more powerlessness and you will spend more time and energy on feeling bad. The point of awareness is never to use it against yourself, but to use it FOR yourself. Find a way to use the new gained knowledge to support your intentions and goals. Why can’t you be the first one?
Just because no one around you took risks and opportunities, or decided to go against the grain, doesn’t mean your path can’t be different. If you grew up without seeing examples of the life and accomplishments you’re dreaming of, be the first one to do it! If you know you could do more with your life, instead of being paralyzed by not knowing what or how, just take any step. Just make one decision that feels right and see where it takes you. If that turns out not to be your path, you will know! Instead of living with regret and asking yourself “what if...”
You can pressure and push yourself towards something or you can be pulled towards it.
Judging, pressuring, and shaming yourself is one way to change, grow, and accomplish. It’s the way we use when we’re not connected to our deeper truth and authentic “why.” We do that when our desires are driven by lack, scarcity, and neediness instead of our true desires for growth and expansion. It’s a way that will leave you feeling exhausted, tired, burned out, and resentful. It will leave you feeling unsatisfied and empty. Nothing you accomplish will be good enough. When you are connected to your meaning and purpose, you are pulled towards it. You still work for it, but the work is exciting and enjoyable. If either one can give you the same end result, how would you want to get there? Who do you want to be when you accomplish it? You don’t need to give up on your dreams because it’s hard, you just need to find a way that’s on your terms - through acceptance, self-compassion, and empowerment. |
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