Quitting is always an option, but before you choose that option, make sure:
You know why you’re doing it. Knowing the reason makes it a conscious choice, instead of it being driven by a subconscious fear or an assumption.
You feel good about your ‘why.’ If you like the reason why you're quitting, it is less likely that you will regret your decision. If you like your reasons, it is an authentic decision, which will always lead you towards something greater.
I do believe there are a bad reasons for quitting on something that is important to us. "Bad" reasons come from assumptions we hold about how something should be.
Here are some of the bad reason to quit on your goals:
· You’ve never done that before
· You're not seeing progress in a timeline you expected
· It is out of your comfort zone
· You had your 1st or 10th set back
· It is challenging/demanding
· Judgments & opinions of others
Always ask yourself 'why,' and make sure it's a worthwhile reason.
The moment we believe we know everything about ourselves, we stop learning and being curious. Self inquiry and curiosity are some of the most powerful tools for healing and growth, because they challenge our assumptions and rigid beliefs we hold about ourselves - often beliefs that are hurting us.
When we don’t question our disempowering beliefs, we mistake them for truths about who we really are. But these beliefs are never who we are, they are learned as a response to deep wounding.
No matter what kind of wounds have been inflicted upon us in the past, our wise, authentic, curious, and compassionate self is always there because THAT is who we are. It is merely overshadowed by the hurtful beliefs.
In the moments of pause, reflection, and curiosity, we are able to connect to a choice between living and responding from our wounds or our wisdom.
Making decisions is one of the most important things that attributes to us feeling as a creator of our life. Even though a lot of us are not aware of it (mainly because we do it subconsciously and on autopilot) we make many decisions throughout the day. Many of these decisions do not feel empowering. The reason for that is that they don’t help us get to where we want to be, they don’t help us create experiences that feel joyful, and they don’t bring us close to our goals and desires. More often, the opposite is true – they make us feel us stuck, powerless, and lead us to recreating more of what we don’t want.
One decision is all it takes to get out of the rut, start creating momentum, and change the dynamics of what is currently not working. Anyone can start making better decisions. Ones that will make us the creator of our circumstances rather than a victim of them and ones that will bring us closer to our goals and towards embodying the person we want to be.
Traps to Watch Out For:
1. Swimming in Futile Questions
Notice whether you’re asking yourself questions that can’t possibly be answered in the present. For example:
-Will it be worth it?
-What should I do?
-What’s the right decision?
-Will it turn out the way I want?
These kinds of questions at first may seem like they are productive, but they are not. They will keep you spinning in circles, they lead to nowhere, and will take up a substantial amount of energy and time. Swimming in useless questions will create thoughts and feelings of overwhelm, worry, fear, and powerlessness, and will not give you any answers because they are not designed to bring you answers.
2. Being Attached to the Outcome
When making decisions, we are wanting a specific outcome. But when we are overly attached to the outcome, there is a tendency to overanalyze all the options and become paralyzed in non-decision. Many times it is not because we simply want a specific outcome but because we feel like we NEED it. Needing something (attachment to the outcome) happens when we identify our worth as a person with an external accomplishment - we make the result mean something about who we are as people. We turn our result into supporting evidence for a general statement about ourselves. For example, “I need this to happen, because if it doesn’t, it will mean I am not capable,” versus “I would love for this to happen, but regardless of the result, it has nothing to do with who I am as a person.”
Better Questions to Ask Yourself:
-Does this decision support my best self?
-If I could be happy regardless of my decision, what would I choose?
3. Focusing on Certainty Instead of Probability
No matter how logical and sensible you are in your decision making, no one can guarantee you a certain outcome. And while there is no certainty of an outcome, there is a high probability of what might happen. For example, if you decide to invest in yourself by going back to school because you want a better job, no one can guarantee you will actually get a better job, but there is a high probability that you will have more opportunities then if you don’t take any action.
Better Question to Ask Yourself:
-If I chose this, what might be the best case scenario in a year, two, three?
-What’s the best case scenario if I don’t make a decision?
-What decision might I regret not making?
4. Labeling an Undesirable Outcome as a Mistake
Any outcome is simply information. If things don’t turn out the way you hoped or you keep getting stuck over and over on the same thing, this is an invitation to evaluate what needs to be changed. Oftentimes, what we label as a mistake, leads us towards something else, many times, towards something better.
Better Questions to Ask Yourself:
-What would I choose if I’m not scared of making a mistake?
-What would a person who love themselves do?
5. Urgency to Decide
This happens when we are scared to fail, so we make decisions wanting not to fail versus to succeed, which leads to attempts to minimize the risk and make a “safe” decision. By asking yourself what is the intention behind your decision, you can notice whether it is coming from a place of fear versus authenticity. Mind you, there is nothing wrong in making the “safe” decision, because as long as you are consciously choosing it, it is an authentic decision.
Better Question to Ask Yourself:
-Will this decision help me become more of myself?
-If I was the person I long to be (courageous, authentic, compassionate, ambitious, peaceful, etc.) what would I do?
-Is this decision coming from a place of fear or authenticity?
Keep in mind that these questions don’t need to be utilized only when faced with big, lifechanging decisions. They are perfect for tackling daily decisions. The more you practice asking yourself why are you doing what you’re doing, the more you are practicing conscious, authentic living that’s based in the present. Notice if you get into any of these traps and challenge yourself to come up with your own “better” questions.
You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to want something and not explain yourself. You are allowed to be grateful AND desire more.
If a specific aspect of your life keeps being a source of stress, guilt, fear, anxiety, or anything that feels constricting, you have the freedom (and responsibility) to change it.
First, it is important to understand and be honest with where you are currently. Imagine setting an intended address into your GPS but not knowing where you are starting. It then cannot take you where you want to go.
Remember that nothing will magically shift and change unless you give it time, effort, and commitment.
📝 Take the time to slow down, observe, and re-evaluate without judgement:
1. What kind of thoughts take up my mind daily?
2. What am I focusing on / daydreaming about most of the time?
3. Who do I admire and why?
4. What do I spend most of my time on?
5. What am I telling myself I “should” do? Do I truly want to?
6. What drains / fulfills me?
7. What feeling do I wish to experience more often?
This exercise can help you gain more clarity on what area of your life needs a bit of fine-tuning, and it will help you reveal where your priorities are. Notice if you like what you realized and what could you be doing differently to move towards being, having, doing more of what feels aligned with you.