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Until you are kind towards yourself, you won’t be able to be honest with yourself. Until you’re honest with yourself, you won’t be able to take responsibility for your life. Until you’re willing to take responsibility for your life, you’ll be stuck in the same place.
 Don’t wait for a major change.
Instead, focus on the small things that can be completed today and will make tomorrow easier. Look around you and focus on what’s unfinished. For example:
Just start with where you are.  We so often become slaves to our own expectations.
As we change and our life circumstances change, what once gave us motivation and energy may start feeling stale and pointless. What we chose to work towards years ago, might not have the same appeal now. We tend to force ourselves to “suck it up” because we’re afraid of feeling like a failure. But some things (relationships, jobs, identities…) have an expiration date and life is always showing us what is expired, it’s just that our egos don’t want to hear it. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way, we are the one who set expectations for ourselves and we’re the one who can shift them or let them go. We have a choice of holding onto the old expectations or reevaluate if what our past self wanted, still brings us fulfillment and meaning. You know that excitement when you have a fun trip coming up or you buy tickets to a concert or a movie you really wanted to see?
The mere anticipation of it brings us joy in the present moment. That joy is real and palpable, even though it's about something that hasn't happened yet. Imagine how much excitement and joy you could create by always have something to look forward to?! Well, you get to do that for yourself. Find something exciting (it doesn't have to be big or life changing) you can put on your calendar right now. Lately I’ve been reflecting on a concept we talked about in my life coach training: “There is not better than here.”
To me this is a reminder that no matter what we accomplish in life, we will experience sadness, pain, grief, desire, etc… We have these imaginary arrival points where we think we will transcend struggle or discomfort or growth. But I think these are our companions for the rest of our life, to some degree, and that is ok. So when I’m impatient to get ‘there’ (whatever ‘there’ is at a different period of my life) I try to remember that getting ‘there’ doesn’t mean everything will be better, it will just be different.* |
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September 2024
AuthorSladja Redner, MA, LPC |
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