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If your mind doesn’t have something specific to focus on (i.e. creativity, finding solutions, accomplishing a goal, etc.) it will focus on the familiar and comfortable. That’s what minds do. Familiar and comfortable often includes behaviors, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and perceptions that directly go against what we most want for ourselves. Familiar and comfortable is most often not who we truly are and what we truly want, but it's what we learned at some point and then kept repeating, so it is easy and well known to us- it requires no effort.
Important question to consider are:
If the answers are “no,” then you can start by telling your mind what to focus on and how to be your servant, not your master. Start by setting a daily intention for yourself. I.e. “I want to make choices that support my health,” or “I want to be peaceful and calm.” Be clear and specific. Create check ins with yourself throughout the day and notice when you’re being in ways that go against what you want for yourself. Be gentle and nonjudgmental. Remember your intention. Think of all the ways in which your life would be different if you lived from that intention. One moment at a time, you’re teaching your mind to work for you, not against you.
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Maybe you feel that something is off and life doesn’t seem as full and rich as you imagine it could be. Maybe there’s a nudge telling you that something must change, but instead of trusting your intuition, you decide to wait for a sign.
You’re waiting for butterflies & hummingbirds (I’m a huge fan of both, so nothing against these beautiful creatures) to cross your path and signal it’s time to take charge of your life… And while waiting, you’re missing the most important sign - your inner wisdom! Your inner wisdom is communicating through desires: •You long for a purpose-driven life, self-trust, inner freedom, and ease. •You’re called to step into your full potential •You want to stand in your power and confidence Your inner wisdom is communicating through constrictions: •No matter what you achieve and how far you come, you feel unfulfilled and empty •You’re chronically unhappy, restless, overwhelmed, and anxious •Relationships are a source of anxiety, instead of depth and connection When you’re scared to bet on yourself, no sign will be big enough. You will live in place of confusion, not allowing yourself to accept what is and not allowing yourself to move forward. This is a constricting place to be in, because it leads to believing that you have no choice. The truth is, you don’t need more signs. What you need is to listen to your inner wisdom and bet on yourself! Today is the best day to start!  First of all, having a bad day (or days) are part of life for everyone. A bad day can mean falling off track of a good habit you’ve been working on creating, feeling unmotivated, sad, resorting to using unhelpful coping skills, feeling melancholic, not feeling like yourself, moodiness, anger… or whatever else it is for you.
But, it’s important to know the difference between intentionally giving yourself a break (understanding that it’s ok to not be ok) and unintentionally being pulled into identifying with your feelings day after day, to the point where you are struggling to get out of the cycle and back on track . If your bad day is tied to a specific event or non-event (something that should have happened but didn’t), having an easy strategy will help you not get sucked into the negative thoughts and feelings that will further fuel your fear, feelings of failure, disappointment, and self-judgment. When you can’t access the motivation from within, the key is to find it outside of yourself! First, check in with yourself: what do I need the most right now?
Second, what is the best way to go about getting that?
Third, thinking ahead will be crucial for successfully implementing the first two steps.
Take it easy on yourself, don’t throw away the good days and progress you made for a few shitty days. Embrace them, make space for them in a way that feels right to you and then notice when it’s time to leave them behind. If you are a high-achiever and always have a long to-do list, it is likely that you are familiar with a nagging voice that just won’t let you relax. The one that keeps telling you that if you take time to slow down, everything will fall apart. The one that steals the peace of your present day and convinces you that if you worry some more, you might come up with a solution to all your problems. The one that tells you that who you are isn’t good enough, so you need to read that next book, attend that latest self-development course, be better, do more, and follow in the steps of others who seem to have cracked the code so they must know better than you. Then, maybe, you will finally feel content and confident in who you are. Then, you will be happy, fulfilled, and will be able to relax.
I call this nagging voice a thieve of joy and peace. It creates rumination, overthinking, and self-judgment, and it takes over so fast that before you know it, you are down the rabbit hole chasing and wrestling with stories that either belong to the past or to the future. It arises in thoughts, feelings, sensations, or images that trick us into believe that their messages are facts and that what they’re telling us has merit to it. Oftentimes, in attempts to silence that voice, you may put a lot of effort into trying to predict possible outcomes and do everything to control the situations you are about to face. That control seemingly keeps your anxiety at bay because it creates a false sense of comfort and predictability. But the more you do to placate the internal anxiety, the more tension, panic, and fear it creates, leaving you unable to deal with things you didn’t anticipate. If you grew up in constant scarcity, your life narrative becomes one of struggle and hardship. This script says that, only through hard work can you have the life you want, only after suffering can you experience ease, only if you are constantly ahead is when you are not falling behind. Then finally, you may come out the other side as a victor. But unfortunately, this story doesn’t end there. Instead of relishing in that victory, celebrating yourself, and soaking in the good moments, you start anticipating the next struggle. You anxiously wait, unable to relax because you learned that you need to be prepared, you need to control, put effort, try harder, and do more… or you will fail. You may notice this voice or sensations most clearly when you sit down to relax and do anything that’s not considered “productive” by our standards. That little voice might say “what are you doing enjoying yourself and being all self-indulgent?” It might be telling you there are things you COULD or SHOULD be accomplishing instead of just being and not fighting the next big fight and suffering. Throughout my life, the narratives that fueled me were ones of an underdog. Opportunities appeared only after struggles. I was fascinated by stories of those who made it through major adversities and came out on the other side, not merely surviving, but thriving! My mom and I would watch the Oprah Show on our old black and white TV, and I would be completely drawn into the story my mom was telling me about Oprah and how she made it through it all. That was the first seed planted in me that if I just work hard enough, I can succeed. In different chapters of my life, I was constantly searching, working hard, unable to relax, and being pulled towards the next big thing. Constant anxiety made it difficult to truly celebrate all the accomplishments that seemed so distant at one point. Had I not had this voice pushing me and nudging me, my life would have been very different and perhaps I wouldn’t have accomplished most of the things I dreamed of. But at some point, I noticed that this feeling of restlessness felt unnecessary, draining, & tiresome. It kept arising any time I would slow down and relax. As if I anticipated that the good things in my life were about to last only for a short while and my next struggle will find me unprepared. I kept having to remind myself that this is an old voice that doesn’t serve me anymore, and that good things can last and don’t always have to be preceded by difficulty and lack. Letting go of the control became an intentional act of self-trust and faith that I deserve peace and happiness even when I don’t suffer. If you find yourself constantly controlling every little action and putting a lot of effort into predicting outcomes, you are not allowing for effortless opportunities to come to you. Sometimes the most difficult act is to let go and simply trust; to notice the anxiety and let it be there; to hear that little voice saying you’re not good enough, and believe you are in spite of it, to notice the discomfort of your feelings and further lean into them. A few tips for dealing with the internal critic, anxiety, & overthinking.
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