​Make yourself available for what feels good.
 
You can’t clutter your days with things that suffocate your peace and expect to feel good. 
 
If you want wholesome, energizing, or peaceful experiences, you have to invite them by making space for them.
 
How do you do that?
 
By removing the unnecessary burdens and self-imposed obligations.
 
By letting go of old values and fear guided actions.
 
By prioritizing what feels aligned and good on the inside.

Most of our current problems are solutions our past self came up with when it didn't have more options or resources. Our patterned responses to people, situations, and internal experiences might not be helpful to the person we are today.

But those patterns can be traced back to a time in our life when this was the solution (whether from a place of creativity or lack of resources) we came up with considering the context we were in at the time. As we move through life, there will always be signs showing us when our old solutions have become outdated and ineffective.

Here's an example from my life. The summer before I turned 15, I started smoking cigarettes. It was a solution for fitting in and belonging in my small, but very close friend group. Over time, this habit became an identity and a way to socialize with people. I dragged this 10 year old habit with me to the U.S. where, almost overnight, it became a real impediment towards who I wanted to be. Smoking was more complicated to maintain in the U.S. than it was in Serbia and as I started paying more attention to my health and lifestyle. Being a smoker was a layer of identity I was fully ready to shed. I quit and never looked back. 

So next time you feel stuck in a reoccurring problem or a habit that seems hard to ditch, try to have a bit more compassion and respect for these patterns. See if you can understand how and why you developed them in the first place and how they might have been the right solution at a different time in your life. 

Reflection Questions:

• What current problem are you trying to solve that was (or maybe still is) an ineffective solution to another problem?
• Can you find a new solution that feels congruent with who you are now?
• What would be a more effective solution?

When our predictable ways of responding to challenges don’t seem aligned with who we want to be, we have the ability to respond differently. When we're caught up in the moment, we don't give ourselves the space and the option to consider a different type of response, but that doesn't mean we are not capable of it. 

In order to respond differently, we simply need to give ourselves a bit of space and pause (something my client's often hear me say:)). In pause, we have the option to notice what we usually tend to do and then we have the option to decide if we actually want to that this particular time. We give ourselves a choice. 

Asking ourselves: How would a version of me that I aspire to be respond to this challenge? helps us zoom out of our habitual ways and be intentional in what we do and how we do it.

Happy journaling!

Whatever we keep hidden from ourselves stays in the dark and feeds off of shame and secrecy. 

Only when we are ready to be honest with ourselves and when we are ready to admit to ourselves the truth, we can invite change.

Admitting the truth to ourselves can look like acknowledging what we feel, what we think, what we like, what we don't like, what makes us angry and why it makes us angry. Saying it aloud to ourselves or someone trusted, or writing it out without evaluating it. 

Acknowledging it and allowing it to be there is a powerful start.