There are so many situation in which we had no choice as children. We simply lived by the rules we learned and adopted them as truths. As children, we didn’t have a choice but to be around people who kept hurting us, but as adult we do. Staying in situations and with people who are hurtful is an old rule we no longer need to live by.
There is no point at which someone tells that those rules no longer apply and we get to choose which ones we want to keep and which ones we want to let go. We often takes old principles to adulthood not fully realizing that we no longer have to stay in situations or around people that keep hurting us. ![]() Any labels you use to define yourself can become constrictions in the future. The problem with defining ourselves by something impermanent, like current circumstances, is that once we are no longer in those circumstances, the label stays, even though it no longer fits. We most notice the constriction of our past self-definitions when we feel called to grow into the next version of ourselves. Some examples of these labels and identities are: being poor, drinking, smoking, being an underachiever, procrastinator, perfectionist, a victim, misfit, and so on. Here are some things to reflect on:
![]() I have a vivid memory of the time I said something that, in the past would take me into a full shame and self-judgment spiral. But that time, there was lightness about it. I couldn't stop laughing at myself. I felt that something was different about me. Unlike previous times, I didn't feel like that moment defined me in any way or that it made me flawed or broken. It was just a funny moment. This moment made me think of other ways in which healing and growth shows up internally.
As we heal, we stop using all of our energy to control situations and to protect ourselves from perceived dangers. And the less we do that, we have more energy (life force) to create and connect to experiences that are light and enjoyable. We understand that our ‘mistakes’ don’t make us less worthy, capable, or lovable. We feel free and see choices that previously weren’t obvious to us. What would you add to this list? Have you noticed any similar shifts in yourself? ![]() You’re not struggling to “be yourself.” You’re struggling because you believe you need to be someone else. Being ourselves becomes difficult when we:
The being part is easy. What’s difficult are the internal pressures and painful stories we tell ourselves. Next time you think you don’t know how to be yourself, notice:
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January 2023
AuthorSladja Redner |