​We often follow rules for life that don’t belong to us. They have been passed onto us at an early age, but these are not our rules.
 
We didn’t create them from our desires, curiosities and wants. We simply had to adapt to and follow them in order to fit in and survive.
 
When we live by someone else’s rules, we keep ourself in situations that drain us, we pressure ourselves to work for something that’s doesn’t give us fulfillment, and we force ourselves to want something that doesn’t make us happy.
 
We have the responsibility to examine the parts of our lives in which we blindly follow rules that don’t support our self-determination and freedom.
 
Now we get to decide what rules no longer apply to who we are today. We get to create our own blueprint based on our real curiosities and desires.
 
Here are some questions that will help you identify old rules you might be living by. These are  great for reflection and journaling: 

• What am I doing because I think I should, not because I want?
• What am I forcing myself to like/want, but I genuinely don’t like/want?
• In what aspect of my life do I feel most limited? 
• If I believed I could, what’s one thing I would stop doing today?
• If I believed I could, what’s one thing I would stop doing today?

 
If you feel stuck in a never ending loop of self-analysis and trying to move forward, it’s a good time to bring in a fresh perspective.
 
Therapy is a great place to be challenged to face what’s not working and to be encouraged to discover what does. 

​There are so many situation in which we had no choice as children. We simply lived by the rules we learned and adopted them as truths. As children, we didn’t have a choice but to be around people who kept hurting us, but as adult we do. Staying in situations and with people who are hurtful is an old rule we no longer need to live by.
There is no point at which someone tells that those rules no longer apply and we get to choose which ones we want to keep and which ones we want to let go. We often takes old principles to adulthood not fully realizing that we no longer have to stay in situations or around people that keep hurting us. 

Any labels you use to define yourself can become constrictions in the future.

​The problem with defining ourselves by something impermanent, like current circumstances, is that once we are no longer in those circumstances, the label stays, even though it no longer fits. 

We most notice the constriction of our past self-definitions when we feel called to grow into the next version of ourselves. 

Some examples of these labels and identities are: being poor, drinking, smoking, being an underachiever, procrastinator, perfectionist, a victim, misfit, and so on. 

Here are some things to reflect on:

• What past identities and definitions have you outgrown?
• How is that past identity constricting you now?
• What would it be like to let it go?
• What identity are you trying to fit into next?

I have a vivid memory of the time I said something that, in the past would take me into a full shame and self-judgment spiral. But that time, there was lightness about it. I couldn't stop laughing at myself.

I felt that something was different about me. Unlike previous times, I didn't feel like that moment defined me in any way or that it made me flawed or broken. It was just a funny moment.

This moment made me think of other ways in which healing and growth shows up internally. 

• Laughing at ourselves, taking things less seriously & personally

• Seeking out more pleasure, fun, and joy

• Being more creative, spontaneous, and open-minded

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• Giving yourself more choices

 
As we heal, we stop using all of our energy to control situations and to protect ourselves from perceived dangers.
 
And the less we do that, we have more energy (life force) to create and connect to experiences that are light and enjoyable.
 
We understand that our ‘mistakes’ don’t make us less worthy, capable, or lovable.
 
We feel free and see choices that previously weren’t obvious to us.
 
What would you add to this list? Have you noticed any similar shifts in yourself?