We all have expectations and secret agendas of what we believe should be happening for us. From what we think our morning coffee should taste like (come on, burnt pot!) to how we imagine that big date going down (cue butterflies and fireworks). But here's the thing: expectations can be sneaky little buggers. Sometimes, they set us up for a major disappointment when reality doesn't quite match our perfectly crafted mental picture. We've all been there. The clash between what we expected and what actually happens can leave us feeling frustrated, defeated, self-righteous, and entitled.

Gap theory of happiness posits that our unhappiness stems from the discrepancy between our current reality and our idealized version of life. We're always looking outward, focusing on what we don't have: better jobs, more money, more recognition, or simply more free time. When our lives are consumed by this constant pursuit of "what could be," we operate from a place of lack and dissatisfaction.

When it comes to navigating life's challenges, our perspective plays a crucial role in how we experience and respond to them. One key aspect of this perspective is our locus of control – the extent to which we believe we have control over our own outcomes. This concept can be divided into two primary categories: internal and external locus of control.

Have you ever heard someone say, "Go live your purpose" and wondered, "What is my purpose?" Perhaps you are multi-passionate and have a wide range of interests and “finding” your purpose doesn’t seem like a clear and straight forward task. The concept of purpose can be elusive, ambiguous, and ever-shifting.

Creating new habits and shifting old ones can be challenging, but it's definitely achievable with the right approach and mindset. Unfortunately, many people make common mistakes that hinder their progress. Here are five of the most frequent missteps and what to do instead.

Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a never-ending self-improvement cycle, but instead of feeling more at peace with who you are, you keep finding new deficiencies to “work on” and end up feeling worse about yourself?

Connecting with your higher self helps you tap into your intuition, bypassing the noise of self-doubt or external pressures. It’s a powerful reminder that the wisdom you seek is already within you—you just need to pause and listen. Whether you’re wrestling with a tough decision, a personal conflict, or a sense of uncertainty, tapping into your higher self can offer a guiding light.

One of the questions that frequently arises in therapy is: “How can I know the difference between intuition and anxiety?” Although all of us are born with our very own internal compass, many of us grew up discouraged to trust our natural curiosity and gut feelings. We learned we needed to act in ways that give us approval and are considered “appropriate,” even when it meant overriding what felt right to us. Over time, we may start relying on our intellect to figure things out or we may start looking at others for guidance, believing that they have our answers. Because of this, distinguishing between intuition and anxiety might be challenging at first, but like anything else, with practice, this becomes easier and more intuitive.

Feeling like you’re faking your way through a new role and constantly hearing that nagging voice that makes you want to hide? Many of us have found ourself in those self-doubting moments when we question our abilities and achievements. But no matter how big the insecurity is, you can be bigger than it. You don’t have to let the self-doubt swallow you and stop you from engaging in significant, sometimes scary, life-expanding expanding experiences.

I love to think about the sheer openness of each new day. It's like waking up to a blank canvas, a fresh start, a field of endless possibilities. We have the power to plant whatever we want in this fertile ground. It doesn't matter what we planted yesterday or last year; we can start anew today.

Self-compassion can be a difficult but crucial step toward becoming more embodied in our adult selves and overcoming influences of our childhoods. When we hold onto feelings of guilt and shame, on perceived past mistakes, or regret, we can become trapped in a cycle of negative emotions and beliefs that affect our relationships, self-esteem, and overall well-being.

Sometimes, the most significant progress occurs when things become a little more quiet, less chaotic, and easier to handle. It's noticed in the way we approach new challenges with more resilience and the way we relate to ordinary, everyday experiences with greater ease.

Have you had that experience of things going your way, but then a pesky thought sneaks in and offers a depressing take: "It can't be that easy" or "You're probably not doing it right" or "You must be missing something?" 

​Make yourself available for what feels good.
 
You can’t clutter your days with things that suffocate your peace and expect to feel good. 
 
If you want wholesome, energizing, or peaceful experiences, you have to invite them by making space for them.

I love change!

I thrive in the forward movement, in the going towards something, anticipating, in being challenged (to the optimal degree:)). But life is not always about moving towards something specific that we made up in our minds.

Each one of us is contending with a challenge de jour, our own mountains if you will. And each one of us is uniquely equipped with resources needed to make that climb. Even though most of us at some point experienced the sense that "we're doing it wrong" or that "we're behind," there really is no right way, or the right timing to climb a mountain. 

Think about a time when you made a decision with such ease and clarity that it didn't feel like decision. It felt like the only right option. It aligned with your head, with your body, and with your soul - it was a "whole body yes!" type of response.

Most of our current problems are solutions our past self came up with when it didn't have more options or resources. Our patterned responses to people, situations, and internal experiences might not be helpful to the person we are today.

"When you don't know what to do - do nothing."

This was the advice that made me take a sigh of relief in a moment when I felt confused, overwhelmed, and couldn't see a path forward. I was swimming in so many different options my mind was offering me. Instead of clarity I felt uncertainty, confusion, and urgency to make a decision. 

Our mind can often be like a harsh bully, ready to attack when we feel most vulnerable. It can make us feel weak and powerless.  

Our mind follows a familiar script it's been given when we were young. It repeats those voices we heard most often, and will keep speaking to us the same way we were spoken to.