People around us are not always the most reliable source of support and insight. They might not understand our needs for change, they might know how to support us, or they might not even want to support change. At times, in attempts to appease their own discomfort they enable our (and likely their own) harmful behaviors & ways of being.

Reflections and self-inquiry are such powerful ways into our inner world. The key to an enriching reflection is curiosity. When we discover something we deem negative or bad about ourselves, many of us immediately start judging ourselves for it. If we anticipate that judgment may come up, we can notice it without engaging in it, and then observe it with curiosity. Keep this in mind when you do this exercise.

For a while now, I felt called to work with individuals who are not necessarily struggling with mental health concerns or need healing, but instead are ready for their next growth opportunity. With honoring this passion of mine, I am excited to now offer online coaching in addition to psychotherapy!

No matter how much we know within our minds that other people’s opinions of us do not matter, and what truly matters is only how we see ourselves, it is much more difficult to embody this notion with confidence and own it as truth.
 
When we feel a strong desire to pursue and do something that goes against a deep-seated self-image and identity, we usually say: “what will people think, that’s not how they know me,” or “I’ve never done that before,” or “they’ve never seen me in that role.” All that means is: “I need to behave in a way that’s familiar to others, and if I don’t, I’m afraid they will judge me.”

In retrospect, my story of how I became a therapist seems clear – as though everything that I’ve experienced was pointing to this direction, it all fits together perfectly. But, when I was in the midst of my personal and situational struggles, things didn’t seem as clear. It was difficult to understand there was a bigger purpose to it all, but now I know that there always was. If we follow our inner guidance and instinct, things always work out for us exactly as they need to.

Deep change takes giving up, discomfort, not knowing, trial and error, obstacles (both mental and physical), and radical belief in oneself! Wanting different results always requires a different action.
 
Being in that space between comfort of the known and the discomfort of change is where most people tend to give up, give in, take shortcuts, and try quick fixes. No shame in that, we all prefer to be comfortable - we want the easy route. But comfort is often constricting and it hinders experiencing the fullness of life, change, and growth.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.” Carl Jung
 
There are many people that leave a mark on us throughout our lives. Some influence us in profound ways, too complex to fully grasp with our conscious mind.

Ahh, it’s that time of the year… Time to set new year’s resolutions, go really hard at it for a month, then give up like it’s no one’s business… until the next year when we get to do it all over again. I’m joking of course, but most of us have been there.

In the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower, there is a scene in which the protagonist asks his professor about why we pick people who treat us like we’re nothing, and his professor answers: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Of course we do. I’ve experienced this in my own life. Over the course of many years, I can clearly see how my circumstances always mirrored how I felt about myself. It was reflected in my relationships, in how I treated my body, and in my internal world and self-talk. ​​

First of all, having a bad day (or days) are part of life for everyone. A bad day can mean falling off track of a good habit you’ve been working on creating, feeling unmotivated, sad, resorting to using unhelpful coping skills, feeling melancholic, not feeling like yourself, moodiness, anger… or whatever else it is for you.

I love my mornings! It’s my favorite time of the day! I love its quietness, peace, and the possibilities inherent in the beginning of a new day. Mornings for me represent an opportunity, a new chance to hope, plan, reflect, and create intention about the day ahead of me.

Many people come to therapy not being able to pinpoint why they are struggling. They just know that life isn’t fun and fulfilling, and they feel stuck, unhappy, numb, broken, anxious, or  depressed.
 
I believe this happens when we (unconsciously) keep navigating the world with strategies and identities that were once helpful, but they no longer are. A favorite metaphor of mine for this is trying to use an outdated map to navigate around new terrain.

I’ve just turned 35 and now that I am considered an adult, one of the things that gives me the sense (or illusion) that I am indeed in control of my life is making my own choices. To me, that is the true meaning of freedom: the ability to alter the course of our own life though the choices we make. I take pride in the belief that I make pretty solid decisions most of the time.

In this post, I share take-aways from a conference which focused on the mind-body approaches for healing trauma. This conversation appealed to me because it discussed how different components of one’s life work in sync to either improve or take away from one’s optimal functioning. Although we all have various needs and values within each of these domains, different aspects of our lives are interconnected and affect one another.

I have to say that, so far, I'm loving my "year of less." We are only in January and I had a noticeable positive shift as a result of it.

Quitting is frequently seen as weak and undesirable, but here is a different perspective. Quitting things we've outgrown leaves us with energy available for things we enjoy.

The Ebbs and flows of nature take place independently of what we wish to be happening.
 
I’m not quite sure if it’s merely the fact that we’ve been required to be bound to our houses, but the Texas heat is starting to feel quite hard to bear. I dream of cool, crisp mornings, and crave a change of season. Regardless of how I feel about that, I am only left with the option of patiently waiting for the cool down to come along (if that ever happens because - Texas). Surely, I can try to resist it, but if I decide to wear a sweater and drink pumpkin spiced latte merely because I’m sick and tired of the heat, the heat will not go away and I will be struggling even more than before. It’s the same with the seasons of life.

Ah, the excitement of it all…. New ideas, running high on all the possibilities and options, feeling empowered and fearless, as if nothing can stop you. 
 
But then you come across your first roadblock and that little voice of self-doubt that was quiet for a while, starts taking up space. At the beginning you manage to ignore it, but every time things don’t go exactly as you planned, it becomes louder and louder. You might look around to make sure you’re hearing it correctly and indeed- all you can find is the “evidence” pointing towards failure and signs that what you want isn’t possible.

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

If you are a high-achiever and always have a long to-do list, it is likely that you are familiar with a nagging voice that just won’t let you relax. The one that keeps telling you that if you take time to slow down, everything will fall apart. The one that steals the peace of your present day and convinces you that if you worry some more, you might come up with a solution to all your problems. The one that tells you that who you are isn’t good enough, so you need to read that next book, attend that latest self-development course, be better, do more, and follow in the steps of others who seem to have cracked the code so they must know better than you. Then, maybe, you will finally feel content and confident in who you are. Then, you will be happy, fulfilled, and will be able to relax.