Benefits of Losing Control
Whenever we struggle with something, it seems like there is an immediate instinct that kicks in—the need to control and change the situation to our liking. Most of us are taught that good things come from mastering control: of our time, our emotions, our relationships, experiences, even our futures. Control feels safe. It promises predictability.
Yet ironically, the tighter we cling, the more often we create stress, resistance, and exhaustion, because controlling anything takes lot of energy and brain space. Controlling is an effortful action.
Why Control Feels so Comforting
Control appeals to the part of us that craves certainty. It’s human nature: our brains are wired to seek patterns and predict outcomes. Control says, If I just plan hard enough, I know what to expect, and if I know what to expect, I feel safe. I feel good. I feel comfortable.
On the surface, this looks like diligence, but over-control erodes trust in ourselves and in life. It leaves little room for spontaneity, intuition, or the unexpected moments that emerge when we step back and move with the flow of life. Unexpected detours, setbacks, and changes are inevitable parts of life and if we don’t learn how to live in those messy times, we will always be a prisoner of our controlling behavior. We will always need things to be a certain way so we can finally feel good.
The Benefits of Losing Control
Our mind sees control as a linear path to accomplishing our desired outcomes: freedom, peace of mind, connection, etc. But when we’re too busy manufacturing things into specific order, we frequently create an opposite experience for ourselves (and others).
On the other hand, releasing the need to manage how others feel opens space for authentic connection. Loosening the pressure of perfection often sparks creativity and new solutions. Allowing emotions instead of forcing them away builds resilience and self-trust. Letting the moment unfold itself instead of planning every detail can lead to surprising encounters.
Losing control means we are shifting from force to trust, from grasping at outcomes to engaging with the present.
How Does One “Lose Control?”
I say this all the time, but this truly is a practice. It’s not something that changes immediately by your understanding of it. It has to be implemented and reinforced through consistency.
Here are small ways to bring it to life:
Pause before acting. Ask: Am I doing this out of fear and control or trust?
Notice your reaction when things don’t go as planned. What is your habitual response in those moments? What if you went along with what is happening?
Practice “wu-wei.” An ancient Taoist concept, wu-wei means effortless action—moving with the current of life instead of against it.
The more we chase certainty, the more it slips away. But when we allow ourselves to lose control, live in the uncertainty, and trust ourselves enough to move with the flow of life without planning every little thing, life becomes a little lighter.
If you’d like more guidance on releasing control and building resilience, reach out here to schedule a session.