Why We Sabotage Our Own Plans And Resist What’s Good for Us

A task can feel like a prison or an exercise in freedom depending on the story we attach to it.

You’ve probably experienced the strange dynamics of resisting something you consciously chose for yourself. You set a goal, commit to a routine, or contemplate a change that has a potential to benefit you. But when the moment comes, some invisible wall rises up.

You feel trapped. Irritated. Like the plan is now a burden, not a choice. You feel feel boxed in—even when the box is one you built yourself.

Rejecting The Change You Want

Maybe you commit to weekly therapy, because you know it helps. But when it’s on the calendar, your mind whispers: “I don’t want to go.” Or you decide to go to bed earlier. You’re tired, you need the sleep. But instead, you stay up scrolling, telling yourself you’re buying time or reclaiming the day, even though looking at the screen leaves you emptier than before. Or you start a new creative practice: morning pages, daily drawing, meditation. You’re excited for the idea of it… until it’s time to do it and it starts feeling like a should. And suddenly, it’s the last thing you want to do.

What’s Going on Here?

There’s a term for this kind of internal rebellion: psychological reactance. It’s the emotional and cognitive resistance that arises when we perceive our freedom is being limited—even by ourselves.

Even good routines can feel like cages if they’re interpreted as obligations rather than choices. Our brains are wired to preserve autonomy. And when we sense that something is restricting our agency, we push back. Often unconsciously.

Reactance can show up as:

    •    Procrastination

    •    Indifference toward something we used to care about

    •    Rationalizing “just one more scroll”

    •    Feeling restless or resistant for no clear reason

In those moments, our brain prioritizes freedom over progress. It would rather do something meaningless (but self-chosen) than something meaningful (but imposed).

Our Need to Preserve Autonomy

Autonomy is one of fundamental psychological needs that when threatened, even by our own internal rulebook, we can feel trapped. Resentful. Disengaged. And like many things, the way we’re relating to it makes the biggest difference.

    •    “I have to do this” feels different than “I choose to do this.”

    •    “This is an obligation” feels different than “This is in service of something I care about.”

The Modern Rebellion: Scrolling, Delaying, Avoiding

Late-night doomscrolling is a perfect modern example. We’re not enjoying it, really. We’re resisting something else—structure, finality, the end of the day. Going to bed feels like giving in. Scrolling feels like reclaiming our freedom of choice and control. But this control is hollow. It’s not aligned with what we actually need.

So What Can We Do?

Here are a few ways to soften the resistance:

• Reclaim the narrative because language matters!

Try shifting from “I have to go to therapy” to “I get to make space for and prioritize myself.”

Or from “I should go to bed” to “My future self needs me to rest.”

• Make room for resistance.

You don’t have to eliminate dread, frustration, or boredom.

You just have to make space for them without letting them drive.

“I’m noticing some pushback… and I’m still showing up.”

• Ritualize the transition.

Resistance often comes not from the thing itself, but the transition into it.

Build a small ritual to ease the shift—stretch before therapy, light a candle before journaling, take a breath before bed.

• Notice where you feel boxed in.

Ask: “Is this structure supporting me, or is it feeling like a cage?”

If it’s the latter, how can you redesign it to feel more self-directed?

• Remember the “why.”

When the task feels like a chore, reconnect to the reason you chose it in the first place.

Not the surface-level “I should,” but the deeper, more personal why.

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It’s a strange thing, how we rebel against our own plans. It’s our mind’s way of reminding us: You want to feel free. You want to have a choice.

The key isn’t to eliminate structure or discipline. It’s to reframe them as expressions of who you are, not constraints on who you’re allowed to be.

So next time the resistance shows up, try asking:

What part of me feels boxed in? And how can I let that part feel free, even as I move forward?