First of all, having a bad day (or days) are part of life for everyone. A bad day can mean falling off track of a good habit you’ve been working on creating, feeling unmotivated, sad, resorting to using unhelpful coping skills, feeling melancholic, not feeling like yourself, moodiness, anger… or whatever else it is for you.
 
But, it’s important to know the difference between intentionally giving yourself a break (understanding that it’s ok to not be ok) and unintentionally being pulled into identifying with your feelings day after day, to the point where you are struggling to get out of the cycle and back on track .
 
If your bad day is tied to a specific event or non-event (something that should have happened but didn’t), having an easy strategy will help you not get sucked into the negative thoughts and feelings that will further fuel your fear, feelings of failure, disappointment, and self-judgment.
 
When you can’t access the motivation from within, the key is to find it outside of yourself!
 
First, check in with yourself: what do I need the most right now?

• Is it inspiration, validation, a new skill, a piece of information, support, clarity, a little push, etc.?

 
Second, what is the best way to go about getting that?

• Is it talking to a specific person, listening to your favorite podcast (or episode), reading your favorite passage of a book, taking a solo walk, being in nature, watching motivational YouTube videos, writing affirmations, etc.?

 
Third, thinking ahead will be crucial for successfully implementing the first two steps.

• Don’t wait until you are in the depths of your feelings.
• When you feel motivated and inspired, write a note to yourself for when you’re feeling down.
• Make a list of things, people, & places that make you feel good and that have the power to propel you forward.
• Notice when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed… Take an intentional break before you are forced to take one.
• Pace yourself… Is what you’re doing and how you are living sustainable long-term or is it just a quick fix for the moment?
• Don’t buy into “I’m not motivated,” unless you learn how to motivate yourself, as motivation will not just come knocking on your door!

 
Take it easy on yourself, don’t throw away the good days and progress you made for a few shitty days. Embrace them, make space for them in a way that feels right to you and then notice when it’s time to leave them behind.

If you are a high-achiever and always have a long to-do list, it is likely that you are familiar with a nagging voice that just won’t let you relax. The one that keeps telling you that if you take time to slow down, everything will fall apart. The one that steals the peace of your present day and convinces you that if you worry some more, you might come up with a solution to all your problems. The one that tells you that who you are isn’t good enough, so you need to read that next book, attend that latest self-development course, be better, do more, and follow in the steps of others who seem to have cracked the code so they must know better than you. Then, maybe, you will finally feel content and confident in who you are. Then, you will be happy, fulfilled, and will be able to relax. 

I call this nagging voice a thieve of joy and peace. It creates rumination, overthinking, and self-judgment, and it takes over so fast that before you know it, you are down the rabbit hole chasing and wrestling with stories that either belong to the past or to the future. It arises in thoughts, feelings, sensations, or images that trick us into believe that their messages are facts and that what they’re telling us has merit to it.
 
Oftentimes, in attempts to silence that voice, you may put a lot of effort into trying to predict possible outcomes and do everything to control the situations you are about to face. That control seemingly keeps your anxiety at bay because it creates a false sense of comfort and predictability. But the more you do to placate the internal anxiety, the more tension, panic, and fear it creates, leaving you unable to deal with things you didn’t anticipate.
 
If you grew up in constant scarcity, your life narrative becomes one of struggle and hardship. This script says that, only through hard work can you have the life you want, only after suffering can you experience ease, only if you are constantly ahead is when you are not falling behind. Then finally, you may come out the other side as a victor. But unfortunately, this story doesn’t end there. Instead of relishing in that victory, celebrating yourself, and soaking in the good moments, you start anticipating the next struggle. You anxiously wait, unable to relax because you learned that you need to be prepared, you need to control, put effort, try harder, and do more… or you will fail.
 
You may notice this voice or sensations most clearly when you sit down to relax and do anything that’s not considered “productive” by our standards. That little voice might say “what are you doing enjoying yourself and being all self-indulgent?” It might be telling you there are things you COULD or SHOULD be accomplishing instead of just being and not fighting the next big fight and suffering.

​Throughout my life, the narratives that fueled me were ones of an underdog. Opportunities appeared only after struggles. I was fascinated by stories of those who made it through major adversities and came out on the other side, not merely surviving, but thriving! My mom and I would watch the Oprah Show on our old black and white TV, and I would be completely drawn into the story my mom was telling me about Oprah and how she made it through it all. That was the first seed planted in me that if I just work hard enough, I can succeed.   
 
In different chapters of my life, I was constantly searching, working hard, unable to relax, and being pulled towards the next big thing. Constant anxiety made it difficult to truly celebrate all the accomplishments that seemed so distant at one point. Had I not had this voice pushing me and nudging me, my life would have been very different and perhaps I wouldn’t have accomplished most of the things I dreamed of.
 
But at some point, I noticed that this feeling of restlessness felt unnecessary, draining, & tiresome. It kept arising any time I would slow down and relax. As if I anticipated that the good things in my life were about to last only for a short while and my next struggle will find me unprepared. I kept having to remind myself that this is an old voice that doesn’t serve me anymore, and that good things can last and don’t always have to be preceded by difficulty and lack. Letting go of the control became an intentional act of self-trust and faith that I deserve peace and happiness even when I don’t suffer.
 
If you find yourself constantly controlling every little action and putting a lot of effort into predicting outcomes, you are not allowing for effortless opportunities to come to you. Sometimes the most difficult act is to let go and simply trust; to notice the anxiety and let it be there; to hear that little voice saying you’re not good enough, and believe you are in spite of it, to notice the discomfort of your feelings and further lean into them.
 
A few tips for dealing with the internal critic, anxiety, & overthinking.

• Notice when your internal critic, anxiety, or overthinking is most prominent.

 

• What are some thoughts, feelings, and sensations coming up for you in those moments? (comparison to others, thoughts of worthlessness, anger, helplessness, fear, sensations in your chest, stomach pain, closing of the throat, etc.).

 

• Pay attention to how you usually respond to it (keeping busy, overworking, numbing, lashing out at others, withdrawing, avoiding, etc.).

 

• Distinguish whether this feeling/thought/sensation is rooted in something that needs addressing or is it there merely as an old habit.

 

• Acknowledge what is happening internally, as avoiding things will not resolve anything.  

 

• If this is an inner critic, give it a name. Recognize its presence, thank it for trying to protect you, and remind it that it is no longer helpful to you.

 

• How would life be different if you embrace moments of peace and joy for a little longer and just let them be?