Deep change takes giving up, discomfort, not knowing, trial and error, obstacles (both mental and physical), and radical belief in oneself! Wanting different results always requires a different action.
Being in that space between comfort of the known and the discomfort of change is where most people tend to give up, give in, take shortcuts, and try quick fixes. No shame in that, we all prefer to be comfortable - we want the easy route. But comfort is often constricting and it hinders experiencing the fullness of life, change, and growth.
A quick fix is appealing, but ultimately, it’s only a bandaid. It’s only going to appease you for a short while and give you the appearance of things being fixed, healed, and changed. But bandaid doesn’t heal old wounds, that we often carry from our childhood. Over the course of our life, we create strategies to make that wound less visible and less panful, until we come to a point where these strategies become too difficult to manage and we realize that it’s time to heal that wound.
Realizing that the power to heal past hurts and change your life has been in your hands all along is one of the most freeing, yet scary things. Honor that, give yourself compassion, thank yourself for being honest, and for wanting more.
First, be brutally honest with yourself and ask:
What do I need to give up?
What is no longer serving me?
Where have I been giving up my power?
Where can I take more responsibility for my life?
Only you have answers to these questions. They may be difficult to face, but facing them is what will propel you forward. This is where deep, long lasting change takes place and is so worth it!
If you don’t want to do this work alone and want a therapist in your corner, I’d love to guide and support you through both the tough stuff and through the victories.
First of all, having a bad day (or days) are part of life for everyone. A bad day can mean falling off track of a good habit you’ve been working on creating, feeling unmotivated, sad, resorting to using unhelpful coping skills, feeling melancholic, not feeling like yourself, moodiness, anger… or whatever else it is for you.
But, it’s important to know the difference between intentionally giving yourself a break (understanding that it’s ok to not be ok) and unintentionally being pulled into identifying with your feelings day after day, to the point where you are struggling to get out of the cycle and back on track .
If your bad day is tied to a specific event or non-event (something that should have happened but didn’t), having an easy strategy will help you not get sucked into the negative thoughts and feelings that will further fuel your fear, feelings of failure, disappointment, and self-judgment.
When you can’t access the motivation from within, the key is to find it outside of yourself!
First, check in with yourself: what do I need the most right now?
Second, what is the best way to go about getting that?
Third, thinking ahead will be crucial for successfully implementing the first two steps.
Take it easy on yourself, don’t throw away the good days and progress you made for a few shitty days. Embrace them, make space for them in a way that feels right to you and then notice when it’s time to leave them behind.