Balance doesn't mean we equally give attention to every aspect of our life. It is about knowing what matters to us, and what our needs, values, and priorities are. The below suggestions are based on my personal 'rules' so feel free to take what resonates and adapt them in a way that makes sense to you. Redefining balance is not about forcing yourself to mimic someone else's way of living, but creating your own so it is sustainable with your lifestyle. 1. Start with daily non-negotiables. These are daily habits that create the foundation for your mental and physical health. I try to prioritize these regardless of how busy or unpredictable other areas of my life are. I look at this as the foundation around which everything is arranged. 2. Spend more time on fulfilling experiences, people, and activities, and spend less time on soul sucking ones. Knowing what energizes you and what drains you AND intentionally making decisions from this awareness is crucial. Notice your energy levels at different times of the day, around various people, activities, experiences, topics, places, etc. 3. Ask yourself what matters to you in this season. For example, if I notice a lack of enthusiasm for something I enjoyed doing, or if it feels like I'm forcing myself to pursue a goal I set a while back, I reevaluate whether it still has the same importance to me and if it doesn't, I give myself the option to take a break from it or spend less time on it. Our priorities will shift as we change and evolve. 4. Minimize reliance on coping strategies for immediate relief and satisfaction. We all have our habitual ways of responding to distress, but coping strategies that are geared towards escaping our experience and quickly feeling better, often leave us feeling worse in the long term or they tend to create an additional problem. Instead, learn how to be with and tolerate distress and seek to find more grounding and creative ways of coping with it. Just because things could be worse, doesn’t mean you need to wait for a crisis to change what’s no longer working. Over time, parts we don’t like about our life and habits that are draining our energy become tolerable. Instead of using our time to change what we don’t like, we use the time to learn how to tolerate, cope with, and manage them. We comfort ourselves by saying “it’s not that bad” and “it could be worse.” And yes, things could always be worse, but why wait for a crisis to change something that’s not working now? When we’re in a crisis mode, we don’t have the energy and emotional stamina to approach problems in a productive way. So don’t wait until you have no choice but to change. Honor the part of you that wants more out of life now. Working with a professional can be crucial because we can’t fully see ways in which we keep ourselves stuck and we can’t identify our own painful stories because we’re too attached to them. I would love to help! Check out my psychotherapy and coaching pages, or book a session and experience the power of coaching! As soon as you wake up, you are starting to create a momentum. You start creating energy that will persist throughout your entire day. If you’re not aware that you’re creating a momentum, it just means that you’re creating it by default. It means you’re letting random thoughts and feelings to dictate your internal experience and your actions. You’re unconsciously reacting and when you’re doing that, you’re creating a negative momentum. And once it gets going it takes great amount of energy and emotional resource to interrupt it and change it. Morning is the time when it’s the easiest to create on purpose instead of by default. Does your morning routine feel calm and grounding or chaotic? Is it setting you up for a great day or for overwhelm? Don’t overthink this. Don’t worry about having to do things like everyone else is suggesting. Think about how would you like to feel throughout the day and what would help you connect to that feeling as soon as you wake up. You don’t need to change your whole routine if that feels overwhelming. Introduce small changes and build on them First, you have to recognize that worrying is not productive or helpful. No amount of worrying can solve a problem. Worrying is a state of mind that produces anxiety and (plot twist) leads to move anxiety, not solutions. My husband sometimes asks me: “Aren’t YOU worried?” And I’m like: ”Ummm no? But I could be if you think that’ll help!” That usually gets me an eye roll. But seriously. Any problem is either something you have control over or you don’t. That leads me to my second, and last, point. Distinguish if you have control over the problem or not. If you do, the question is: Are you willing to do something about it? And "What are you willing to do about it?" If you don’t have control over it, any combination of surrender, hope, and pray will do. Want more tips like this? Read this post about stuckness! Negative thoughts are massive energy suckers. They recruit your creativity in service of overthinking, solving problems that don't exist, or attempting to control people and circumstances you have no control over. They create anxiety, exhaustion, and overwhelm. Here are 5 steps to follow to detach from the vortex of negative thoughts so you can use your time and energy in more creative ways. 1. Become an Objective Observer Before you're able to deliberately change something, you must first become aware of it. If you're not aware of your negative thoughts and how they impact you, you can't do anything about them. One of the best ways to create an awareness of your thoughts is by becoming an objective observer. Resist the urge to judge, evaluate, analyze, or "do it the right way." Resist the urge to follow and feed any specific thought. As an objective observer, your job is to watch the thoughts as they emerge and get them out of your head by writing them down. Empty your mind onto the paper by asking yourself over and over, "What else is there?" until everything is on the paper and there's no noise in your mind. 2. Separate Facts From Opinion Now that you have your thoughts where you can see them, notice the wide range of their content: from irrelevant chatter, grocery list, last year's conversation... to familiar worries, fears, and internalized judgments. Is there a specific thought you find most troubling or believable? Which one are you most attached to? Which one would you love to be able to let go? The majority of thoughts that our mind offers us are merely opinions and suggestions. They are not truths, facts, orders, or summons, which means they don't need to be followed or taken seriously. When they come from within our mind, they appear as if they are facts, but they are not. Decipher for yourself: Is this a fact- something a majority of people would agree on, like they would on colors, or weather, or is this just an opinion? 3. Decide if You Want to Keep This Thought If you decided that your thought is not a fact but simply an opinion (perhaps not even your own opinion!), proceed by asking yourself: Is there a benefit in keeping this thought? Each thought has an emotional response to it, so consider - how may you end up feeling an hour from now if you keep thinking this? Do you feel better or worse when you think this? If someone else said this to you, would you think they were a well-meaning friend or a hurtful foe? What is the cost of spending time thinking about this? What would it feel like to let go of this thought? If you decide you don't want to keep this thought, say it out loud or write down "I am letting this thought go," or "It is safe to let this thought go." Notice how that feels. Don't rush out of it. Let your body memorize that state by staying in it for as long as you can. 4. Build Evidence for a Different Perspective There are so many different ways to think about anything. Just because your mind suggested one perspective, it doesn't mean you have to keep that perspective. Imagine if you actively and deliberately tried defending an opposite position. What would be a different way to think about it? How would someone who loves themself/ believes in themself/ is patient/ is a loving partner... think about it? What other thoughts are present but you haven't given them a platform? Answering these questions guides you toward considering a different perspective and provides you more choices. 5. Practice a Thought That Feels Better! Once you decide that the initial thought is not worth keeping and you choose a new thought that would feel better, it's time to practice it! Pick a thought you can actually believe and that generates more positive feelings. Practice that thought by writing it down as a reminder and placing it in places where you can see it often. Create check-ins during the day to remind yourself of the new thought. Journal on a topic: I am the person who [insert new thought]. Don't be discouraged by having to practice this. Healing and change are processes, not one time events. The more you practice, the more your body memorizes the new way of being and thinking. And as always, be gentle with yourself. You can't detach from negative thoughts by using negative thoughts towards yourself! |
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April 2024
AuthorSladja Redner |