Instead of trying to change and fix others, focus your energy on ways in which *you* can show up as the person you want to be. It’s easier to point out what others could be doing differently. But your job is not to fix others. You can support them in their change, if that is their choice. Trying to change or fix others instead of allowing them the freedom to be themselves, will push them away. Consider:
Do you tend to compare yourself unfavorably to others and believe they have qualities that you don't?
Anything you recognize in others (authenticity, confidence, ambition, free spirit, self-trust, optimism, playfulness, creativity,...) is inside of you. Perhaps it'a a part you that was never nurtured, or you had to detach from, or felt unsafe to show and love, but it’s there. It’s always been there, waiting for safety and permission to shine. You’re not struggling to “be yourself.” You’re struggling because you believe you need to be someone else. Being ourselves becomes difficult when we:
The being part is easy. What’s difficult are the internal pressures and painful stories we tell ourselves. Next time you think you don’t know how to be yourself, notice:
Don't wait for major changes and big accomplishments to celebrate yourself. If you always compare yourself to where you want to be, you'll never be happy because you'll always be focused on what's missing and what you don't have yet. But if you compare yourself to where you used to be, you will always find progress to be proud of and to celebrate. Do that! Take the time to reflect on experiences, skills, and accomplishments you have now that your younger self would be so excited about! Don’t be afraid of disappointment. You will be disappointed one way or another at some point in life.
The only wait to avoid it is to stay in the same place your whole life and never try anything new. And if you let it, a fear of disappointment will make your world really small and dull. |
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April 2024
AuthorSladja Redner |